The Baby Stepper

I dreamt about my childhood friend Jorge, and he was well off in this dream. It’s not that the dude’s poor. It’s just that he’s waaaaay too wealthy in dream zone.

The reason was because in dreamland earlier, he was in a mansion. Now in reality, his wife’s from a well-off family, but definitely not this rich! And it looked like he was self-made. I just don’t have any idea how he acquired his fortunes. Illegally I guess, JK!

Now in reality, he has this bastard named Alfonso (a.k.a. “Popon”). He’s like 2 ½ or 3 years old. I don’t know, I could care less. And as far as I know, he’s the only (begotten) son. But in this dream, it was a different story.

See, what happened was that I was walking in the living room of Jorge’s spacious abode when I almost stepped on the body of an infant, like 6 months old. The thing was that the baby looked like Popon! So I immediately bent over and said, “Hey Popon. Sorry, muntik na kita maapakan!” (“Hey Popon, I’m sorry that I almost stepped on you!”)

Then somebody (a lady’s voice) said, “Di si Popon yan. Kapatid ni Popon yan.” (That ain’t Popon. He’s Popon’s sibling)

That made me think and say, “Hey! Was I gone that long? Did I hibernate?”

Then it all ended.

The Weed-Traffic-Earthquake Story

I was with my dad and elder bro GP walking towards the village gate. Now right off the bat, I should’ve realized that this was a dream because this never happens. If it was true and we were approaching the village’s gate goin’ out, we should be in a vehicle or somethin’. But walking? It hasn’t happened yet as far as I can remember, ever!

The strange thing was that they were about to get into this vacant lot and smoke some weed. My dad will smoke weed?!? There’s not a snowflake’s chance in hell that he’s gonna smoke weed, let alone a cigarette! So that was another “dreamy” detail that I failed to notice! I’m really slow at this thing. Daym!

Well I didn’t join their pot session. I guess I also kinda’ didn’t want my dad to know that I was still smokin’ (he knows). But what’s the point, right? He smokes weed too! So I guess that makes us even. But the shame factor still kicked in. So I just signaled my bro to leave a li’l weed for me to smoke at a later time. In short, I didn’t join them.

Apparently, something happened. Because there suddenly was a traffic jam goin’ all the way to the village gate. I was curious, so I checked it out. But there was already someone who got there before me to quench his curious little mind. Ronnie Molina (A.K.A. “O-neh”). I guess it’s in the genes. That’s because his mom is the leading chismosa(gossip monger) in the street. Their house is also strategically located on the street corner at the end of our street (Cattleya St) so it’s like a crossroads right there.

Now I didn’t wanna’ walk goin’ out of the village because my dad will see me. As I’ve said, I didn’t wanna’ jam weed with the fucker.I just wanna’ be on my own. I don’t want no quality time. So I sneaked into this taxi, and I told the driver that I was hiding from someone. So I was lying face down, looking directly at the driver’s shoes while. I didn’t want to be facing the window on my side (the shotgun side) because I didn’t want my dad to see my face while hiding if in case he reared his head looking in for a sneak peak.

Now the “dad avoidance” was a success. But someone else spotted me when we reached the gate. It was Carlo, my childhood friend. I don’t know why he knew that someone was hiding there. But he seemed to be eager and happy to find me. He was wanting to thank me because I allegedly gave him a green jacket that was used by this chick on the pic of the MMAMania.com thread for St. Patrick’s Day. He was giving the jacket to his cousin before he leaves for the USA. Carlo is a seaman or something. And seamen here in the Philippines, in general, never go to the USA. It’s either Europe, Africa, Asia even. But not America. I don’t know why. I guess it’s too far away.

Now while we were talking, we passed by our house. But it was an awful sight because it lay in ruins while my mom was sitting outside, visibly stressed. She was like a WWII mom in Europe after the Nazis have bombed their town. The house looked like an earthquake with an intensity 8 on the Richter Scale just shook it up. The weird thing (lots of weird things in dreams, as always) was that the houses beside it, as well as all the other houses on the street were all intact while our house was reduced to rubble! Hopefully this shit doesn’t happen in real life. Woe is me if that ever happens!

The Hesitant Kisser

There's this girl I know named Sheila. She ain't a hot mom like some of my friends. But she's a cute one. and I have never kissed her, ever! The fucker's married.

But in this dream of mine, I found ourselves under the sheets. We were kinda' fondling each other or something of that sort.

But when it was time to kiss her, she was pulling herself away from me. I'm like "WTF?" I'm touching your hot-spots, but you don't like our lips to touch?!? Oh the irony!

Now when we were about to liplock(I can easily overpower biatch), the dream suddenly ended! Man why does it always end when the juicy parts are about to be shown?!? I fuckin' paid for my ticket! I want a refund!

Excessive Coupon Usage

Expedia.com usually gives out coupons to frequent travelers using the website. $100, $25, $200 coupons, you name it. There's even this coupon wherein you get $10 off per night.

Now the current coupon code for the $10 off per night promo is "10WINTER". As expedia.com travel agents, we are only allowed to use that if the customers know about it in the first place. Now some agents(like me) sometimes use that as a closer offer. If the customer doesn't want to book, we entice them by using the coupon code as a discount.

The big cheeses in the office actually have people who audit all these coupon usages, and keep track of the top 10 people who always use it just to get a sale. I don't rely on these coupons because of my selling skills(though I hate sales), so I end up using like 5 or 6 of these coupons tops in a month.

In my dream however, I was reported to the big cheeses because I used like 93 or 94 coupons, in a single week!. Before I realized that I was dreaming, I suddenly woke up. Shoot!

Loch Ness-esque

I'm in this lakeside village somewhere around Taal Lake. I didn't know exactly where, or why the fuck I was there. I just remember visiting these houses where nymphs or fairies lived. They kinda' looked like Andi Eigenmann and Angel Locsin. Very purty ;aleside nymphs right there.

I'm fond of the water, so I went for the lake, hoping to get a boat ride to the volcano. But what I saw kinda' shocked me. The water was black!. Just like the Loch Ness. I even thought for a moment that I was in Scotland! But the warm weather told me otherwise.

The Deserters

At work, I was assigned to this team led by this terrorizing and pesky supervisor named Genii(her name's spelled kinda funny, right?). Honestly, I don't give a fuck!

Well currently, I have these 2 teammates, Pam and Emi. Unluckily for them, they chose to be in Genii's team too for they had no choice. Genii's time slot was the most appealing to them. Who doesn't want a Saturday and a Sunday as rest days? They also knew about Genii's terrorizing ways. But still, they chose the path to the dark side. So we're all still currently teammates(we were teammates on our last team).

In this dream of mine, a reshuffling happened. Pam and Emi suddenly fled to other teams with more lenient supervisors, leaving me all by my lonesome self. So I instantly dubbed them, "The Deserters". Fuckin' cowards!

Pig Wailer

This dream was in the 3rd person point-of-view. It involved a farmer and a crying pig.

The farmer's appearance shows how Americanized my subconscious is. Instead of seein' the usual local farmer, I saw a rednecked one. Complete with straw hat and a jumper. A genuine hick from the sticks!

Now this farmer was feeding this pig. Or should I say hog because of its size? It was a big piggy, as big as the hairy yahoo himself. And because of the pig's slobbering movements, it almost swallowed a coin that the farmer was holding. I was just wondering why the farmer was holding onto a coin while holding a container of pig food. That wouldn't make his work any easier.

Good thing that the pig was able to cough it out. But unluckily for it, the farmer was enraged. so he roared at the top of his lungs to the pig, which proceeded to cry like a human child. I had this weird look on my face like "WTF is a pig doin', cryin' like a human being?!?" Poor pig...

Children Of The Porn

JL, Carlo, Arnie, Kenneth Diaz(all childhood friends), and I were in this house. Must be Eric's house, but I didn't see the dude. And we motherfuckers were doin' pornography! I mean, we were watching the shit from some TV.

The thing was that we used to do that waaaay back when we were younger rascals. But I can't imagine us doin' that now. We're way past that stage. But there we were, enjoying ourselves to some immoral flesh scenes.

Now it really was funny because while we were watching, a barangay patrol car came up in front of the house and started calling us out to surrender. I didn't panic one single bit because I thought that it was all a big joke for that to be happening. I was just running to the back of the house, laughing along the way. I was to happy to even think that I was just dreaming. Though i seldom am aware that I'm dreaming, this scene should be one of my cues to realize that it was all in the mind.

The Voice-Over

I had no idea what Ingersoll Rand was until I checked it out on the net just now. I happened to see this Ingersoll Rand thingy in one of 'em billboards along one of the metro's main thoroughfares.

According to the web, Ingersoll Rand is an international supplier to transportation, manufacturing, construction, and agricultural industries. I really had no idea that it was all about that.

When I was young, there used to be this advertisement either on the radio or on TV about Birch Tree. It's a full-cream milk brand. The audio of that ad had this li'l girly voice sayin' , "Birch Tree! It's everybody's milk!"

Now in my dream, I was hearin' that same voice-over. But it wasn't sayin' Birch tree. It just said , "Ingersoll Rand!" Complete with the foreign accent and everything. It's as if the Birch Tree girl was hired by Ingersoll Rand this time. When I awoke, I thought I was still hearing it.

Ruined Reunion

We were havin' a family reunion at home. But a lot of people were missin'. I had no cousins who were present. Just my uncles and aunts. All of 'em from my mom's side.

Now my mom actually ruined the reunion. She was bad-mouthing me and stuff while we were eating dinner. I couldn't take any more of it, so I left the table.

Now I have this uncle named Ike(a.k.a. "Enrique") and he's the most placid among all of my uncles, who are virtually loud(like Larry, Totoy, Lito, etc.). So it was kinda uncharacteristic of him to shout at me like that when I left the table. I didn't pay any attention when he was commanding me to go back to the table and eat. So he stood up and followed me.

When he overtook me, he gave me a thundering uppercut to the body, which had me reeling on the floor. That's when the dream ended. With an uppercut!

The Canine Slaughter

I was good as dead in his latest dream. And guess what killed me in it… A dog! Not just any dog. It was a pit-bull! And not just any type of pit-bull. It was a heavyweight pit-bull. The sonuvabitch weighed like 265 lbs or somethin’. As heavy as Brock Lesnar weighs during weigh-ins!

Now the setting was in this lawn. It was a huge and spacious lawn, complete with Bermuda grass and some statuettes and other stuff that you find in big house lawns. I was playing tag with some unknown kids. Now what the fuck is an old cunt like me playing with some 10-year olds?!?

Now as we were running around the spacious lawn, a maid from the house started shrieking, “Ayan na, nakatakas!!Saklolo! (Here it comes! It has escaped! Heeeelp!)

At first, I had no idea what the fuck she was screaming about. Then the housemaids and other people appeared in my sights running towards us kids. Then the beast came into view. It was a huge, canine with knives for fangs. And there were shreds of meat and clothes hanging from them. As if it had just devoured some helpless human.

It was scanning the lawn, looking for its next victim. Lucky for me I found this huge log, so I just hid behind it while the canine ran around the lawn, chasing the people who were fleeing for their dear lives. I heard their spine-tingling cries and I could hear flesh being ripped from bone! Poor humans!

I even heard the kids I was playing with screaming. Slowly, the screams died down. That’s due to the people dying one by one. But there was like one kid left, and the dog proceeded to chase him.

I was peeping behind the log, so I could see that the kid ran fast. The problem was that the kid was running towards my direction. I was like, “What the fuck?!? Get away from here! Spare me! Fuck it!”

Still, the kid ran like the wind towards the log that I was using to block myself from the dog’s view. He was quite agile too because he managed to jump over the fat log! Too bad for him the canine was agile too and it leapt over the log effortlessly. Too bad for me though because the dog’s head turned toward me while in mid-air. I was nearer to it than the kid, who was like already 40 feet away from us, so it was a no-brainer that the dog would opt for me as its next victim.

The cool thing about this dream though was the ending. It was like from a Japanese anime or something. While the dog was in mid-air staring at me, everything froze. And the edges of the dog became blurred. As if it suddenly became a sketch. And the color just vanished from it, leaving only shades of black, white and gray. Then I awoke.

Cool dream ending! But I’m sure it would be a bloody ending for me if the dream didn’t freeze like some anime ending that I was talking about in the previous paragraph.